SAVE A MARRIAGE

One more casualty of the pandemic has been that divorce rates are increasing.

I’d like to speak to those people. Please don’t give up, at least not easily. Consider seeing a therapist – talk to your pastor, your family doctor, a good friend, about who to see.

If counseling is not practical there are some steps you can try on your own, if you really work at it.

• Set aside a daily time to talk. Stick to it.
• Cultivate a workable approach. Focus on listening and understanding, with patience. This is not the time for accusations, Interrogations, or venting.
• If there were prior clashes, try to set them aside temporarily.
• Focus on Events and Emotions: “When (Event) happened, I felt (Emotion). This will definitely take practice, especially the emotions.
• Ask yourself if you are still in love. This is good to know.
• Begin with telling why you fell in love. Don’t be afraid.
• Can you recreate some of that? Can you go back to the same place, the same activity, or at least recall it?
• If there is one thing that must change or you cannot stay, be explicit.
• Focus entirely on the One Thing. Try really hard. Everything may depend on it.
• This is when you return to the past. Use the skills you’ve been practicing.
• Not getting anywhere? This is when you reconsider a professional- you need a third party.